Listen to What's in the Heart of a Child
by sorrowdoinganewdancex
Summary: Hanschen Rilow had been sent to a reformatory after being caught with Ernst Robel in the vineyard. Mainly from Ernst's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

1891 September, 3rd

_Hanschen, how is he? He is the only important thought running through my empty mind. My eyes, avert from the textbook laying in my lap, to the first few stars lining up in the sky. I begin to wonder as I look into the sky and if he is looking at the same thing. I know my thoughts, emotions, and thinking is abnormal for any boy, or so my parents say. _

_I can't wrap my mind around anyone but him, Herr Rilow. He was sly but yet… when it was just him and I he was sweeter then the sugar that I can only imagine tasting. Maybe things have changed, though. He's older now and probably more mature. Probably too much for me. Hanschen must have learned his lesson about me though, right? I can't help but think of those handsome features and his lean body and strong muscles. Honestly, I think I really loved him. Now I can't get him back. Not after the way we had split up, no, never again. _

_Hanschen would put on his cruel act around others but when it was just him and I. I was treated like a prince like I could do no wrongs…_

Ernst put down his journal, slipping it underneath his blanket for he had to attend church that day. He sighed as he changed into his 'Sunday best' attire and headed off with Mama. All the other children stared at him like he was some type of devil. Ernst didn't really mind all the staring, but it caused his cheeks to form a shade of pink. He just held onto his Mama's hand as the two took their seats. The sermon was boring as usual. Ernst watched, wide eyed, as his classmates attended the youth group. This time, Ernst wasn't invited to go.

After a grueling hour of nonsense, the two headed back home. Ernst stayed silent for the entire walk, feeling completely ashamed. He felt like he was so out of loop. As well, nobody really wanted to play with him. They'd mumble under their breath about what he was, immoral. Ernst would usually be left out during gymnastics and nobody would even merely want to sit near him in school. It almost broke his sweet heart. As the two entered the house, he darted back up the stairs. His empty heart now craving his blonde haired more then ever.

Ernst put up his journal and his writing utensil, then quickly looked around to make sure Mama had been busy doing some type of chore before continuing again.

…_when it was just he and I, it'd be perfect. Like the way he'd talk to me when it was just us. I miss Hanschen and his soft blue eyes and light blonde hair._

_But, I forgot to mention, I overheard he was coming back for a vacation to see his parents. But I wonder if he's gunna attempt to see me._

Ernst's cheeks turned a red shade as he flipped on his side, positioning his journal so he could comfortably write. He couldn't help but giggle under his breath as he imagined seeing Hanschen again. But would he say?

_I really do hope so. It's been so long since I've seen him and I'd do almost anything to see him again. Really, I'd give anything to see that handsome, perfect face._

He slowly shut his journal and tucked it underneath his pillow. Then washed up for bed as quickly as possible considering it was long past the time Mama expected him in bed. After writing in his journal, with long pauses to just think and reminisce about his former lover, it must have taken quite a bit of time. Ernst laid down in his bed and quickly fell asleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day Ernst didn't have to attend school for one reason: his 'Doctor'. Ernst dreaded going to see him considering he didn't get that much done. He didn't want to discuss such private information such as Hanschen with some guy who didn't give a rats ass what happened to him, anyway. The man tended to be rude and tell Ernst how sinful his behavior was. Oh well, he wasn't trying to be a rebel thinking such things but he truly didn't care for he felt deeper feelings for Hanschen then he did anyone else in his entire life. It was difficult to explain.

He got dressed up in his school uniform: a pair of navy slacks, a white button up shirt with a navy vest over. The weather was a bit chilly, hence, he placed on his navy blazer to finish off the outfit. The redhead glared into the mirror infront of him and then sighed. He laced up his black shoes and headed down the stairs. Staring down at his shoes, he nearly stumbled down the creaky staircase. Frau Robel was standing there, with her hands against her hips waiting for her son to be ready.

Frau Robel got a good look at her son to make sure he looked tidy enough for the doctors today. Of course, she didn't want to leave behind a bad taste in his mouth. For he was the only hope of turning her son back to the little boy she once had. Not some gay boy who was frowned upon by everyone else around them. Frau still honestly believed that it was completely Hanschen's fault that made her son become his bad.

_Nobody gets it, me and him are an ideal match. I don't care what anyone else thinks. Doctor Meier can't change my mind about that._

The talk went descent, Ernst stayed almost completely mute with an expectation of the 'hello' 'goodbye' deal just to seem like he could actually speak if he so chosen to. When it was over, Ernst nearly darted out of the room. That man didn't have to ask him about Hanschen, it wasn't any of his business!

"Mama! Don't make me go back," Ernst groaned as he headed down the block following beside her. He hung his head down low, feeling ashamed. Ernst's mind couldn't help but keep remembering what he said about Hanschen. Calling him those absurd names, no, he wasn't any of that. That man was wrong. Ernst was on the verge of tears despite how well he was holding it in.

"You got yourself into this and now you need this until you get better, Ernst. You don't really understand what you've gotten yourself into, young man. One day, however, you'll be grateful that I seeked help you." She smiled as Ernst, trying his best to look out for him even though she was clearly wrong. Frau Robel just didn't get it. She was too close minded and didn't care whether her son was really feeling something for Hanschen. Just as long as she was happy.

Get better? Was there something wrong was him? "M-Mama…" his voice sounded nervous, "Did I do something?" With that being said, a silence past over them. A shiver went down Ernst's spine as he realized maybe he did have something wrong with him. Maybe he did disappoint his Mama just as he feared.

When they got into the house, he ran into his room and felt hot tears. Hanschen was his only friend and had no one to talk to anymore. Ernst couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He would ask Hanschen when he saw him. Not too much longer, hopefully, it would be until the two were reunited.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

Ernst went over the Latin assignment a few times with a puzzled expression placed upon his face. Why did they even do Latin? When was he ever going to speak Latin other then church? He stared down at the bed underneath him and softly giggled as he imagined the nights when Hanschen used to stay the night. When Mama wasn't suspicious, of course. Hanschen would sleep on the bed most of the time, and Ernst would take the floor just in case Mama was to walk in. Ernst would whisper sweet nothings to Hanschen and Hanschen's response would be a kiss on lips. He covered his mouth and shut his eyes, letting a giggle escape from his lips.

He bit down hard enough for his lip to bleeding, hoping that that would take his mind off of his boyfriend who was probably so cold and lonely. Ernst put his homework away, he couldn't concentrate. Ernst just continuously kept hoping and praying, and hoping and praying that Hanschen was alright. In a sense, Ernst knew he should have been the one sent to the reformatory. They thought it was all Hanschen, that Hanschen forced Ernst into being intimate with Hanschen. He couldn't speak up… he couldn't be caught, it wasn't happening.

He made his way over to his little 'hiding spot' and took out his journal. Then headed back to his little cove, otherwise known as his bed. Ernst made sprawled out, his hand in action to write.

_Why can't he just come back and I take his spot up there at that mean place? I mean, it's really my fault. I shouldn't have invited him to go the vineyard that day. And being at the doctors doesn't help much because he isn't telling me what is wrong with me. I keep wondering why I go. I did something wrong, being with Hanschen, but what's so wrong about it? Why can't anyone tell me?_

Warm tears formed in the corner of his eyes as they splashed down his cheek, reaching the page and leaving their mark. Ernst wiped them away as more decided to come crashing down. He shook his head and let them be. Ernst just needed to get his feelings out.

_The thing is… when he comes back, what if he has moved on or found somebody better then me? Somebody more attractive and somebody a little less gentle. See, I'd do anything for him. Whatever he wanted, I did for him. I guess I like him too much and I should just give up all my feelings for him. _

_I guess it's best to just figure out what I want. For now, it's him._

Ernst closed up the notebook and hid it once more. He could only handle so much in one day. Time to get some rest. He prayed that night that the next day maybe was better.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday rolled around and Ernst still wasn't feeling up to school. Mama had handed him the list of items she needed. He knew walking maybe could help clear his mind. He kissed her cheek and smiled. "I'll do it, Mama." Ernst bid his goodbyes then headed out his front door. Closing the freezing knob behind him.

Ernst finished up his shopping, paid and made his way to the door. As he was exiting, someone else was entered and managed to push past him. He let out a sigh and murmured, "Excuse me?" It was _him_. It had to be. Ernst's eyes widened as he stared up at him. "Hanschen?"

Ernst made his way out of the store and his lover followed behind him. The two headed to the side of the store which was almost secluded, but not enough.

Hanschen knew it was best to not say anything at all for fear that when he returned to the reformatory, he'd miss Ernst too much. "Hello Herr Robel, do you need any help with that?" He motioned toward the bags in his arms.

Ernst shook his head, his mouth proceeded to become dry. "No, I'm fine, I've got the bags. How are you?" Oh god, how gorgeous could he have gotten? Hanschen had always been but maybe it was not seeing him for so long. _Wow_, Ernst thought to himself. He couldn't believe it really was him. Ernst couldn't keep his eyes off of Hanschen. Ernst felt his heart racing the closer he moved to his lover.

Hanschen's facial expression changed within seconds to a confused look to a sudden smile. "Eh, fine. Reform's school's different. A little difficult." He jammed his hands in his pockets, feeling a little out of place. Hanschen kept glaring around the area making sure nobody he knew saw him with Ernst. He didn't want to go back to the reformatory. Despite how he hated his parents, he'd rather be at his house then at that sick place any day. "Maybe I should go."

Ernst's eyes widened to the size of golf balls as he shook his head. The light sun beat down on him, he didn't want Hanschen to leave. "Please stay…" Ernst felt like Hanschen had rejected him. They obviously were not allowed to see each. But when had that ever stopped Hanschen before in the past? Not once.

All Ernst wished for was a kiss. It may seem selfish but he missed the way Hanschen used to. Usually a little forced but Ernst didn't think much of it. Hanschen probably found a better looking boy who was better then Ernst in all senses. Ernst felt his knees getting weak and his hands shaking. _Must hold onto the bags._

"Ernst, you know that I can't," Hanschen could barely look at Ernst. Every time he did, he didn't want to him.

"Five minutes," he said, insisting. Ernst moved the bags into one hand. He gripped the blondes hand in the other and led him into the woods.

When the two arrived Ernst looked around making sure that nobody could see them. Ernst placed the bags atop of a tree stomp. He turned to Hanschen with a grin on his lips. As soon as Ernst sat beside Hanschen, he placed his hand on his cheeks, "I've missed you so much," seemed to be the only thing escaping from his pink lips. Ernst wanted to tell him he loved him and that he was passing all his classes. Which, in the past, he wasn't. The last time he spoke those three most important words Hanschen's response wasn't one he excepted.

Hanschen couldn't pay too much attention to Ernst like he had in the past. "This isn't a good idea," he whispered, feeling a bit of a role reversal. Hanschen couldn't be here, it wasn't a good idea. Ernst was smart enough to know that but wanted to put Hanschen in harm anyway. "So what do you want? I must get home before my mother comes out looking for me. I'm sure so is yours, waiting for you." He looked as though he wanted to go home. No sense in him staying, right?

Ernst stared into those big blues eyes feeling a distant feeling, but that was certainly expected. That wasn't the reaction he was hoping to get. At all. He felt as though he was going to cry yet again, just as he did the night before. Ernst didn't want to seem like a baby infront of Hanschen, no, he'd pick on him about it. "Nothing…" Ernst picked up his bags. "Have a good evening." He bit down on his lip, trying his best not to break down into tears.

With that, he headed out of the woods and began back to his house. Ernst wanted so badly to see Hanschen running after him trying to see if he was alright. As usually, he didn't give a damn if Ernst was alright. It was Hanschen, all he cared about was himself. Why was Ernst foolish enough for falling for him? Ernst even risked getting caught again for him. What was he thinking?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

As Ernst reached the corner he heard someone call out, softly: "Ernst!" He rolled his eyes, he didn't need to this right now. Especially not if it was one of his classmates like Bobby Mayler picking fun at him. That was certainly the last thing he needed. He followed the voice who spoke, "Ernst," once more.

It was back into the woods, once more. Then he realized, it was _him _again. Ernst didn't need to talk to Hanschen, he was just going to break his heart and stomp all over it like he had less then ten minutes ago. Ernst made over to the blue eyed boy, the cutest blue eyed boy ever. But that wasn't something he wanted to think about, he was hurt. Ernst didn't want to fall again.

"What do you want?" Ernst spoke with a sound of hurt in his voice. He wiped the tears away and walked over to him. He stared down at his black sneakers. Ernst couldn't look in those eyes, not again.

"Hey," He placed his hand underneath his chin, slowly pulling it up to look into his eyes. "You don't need to be shy around me." Hanschen realized what he did wrong and he didn't want to loose Ernst again. He looked into those sad brown eyes and knew he needed to make things right. But how… "You know, later tonight, I told my parents I had to go visit someone, around six. So maybe," Hanschen moved his arm around Ernst's thin waist, pulling him a little closer, "I could see you then."

Ernst shrugged. He honestly wanted to jump up and down for joy, he was going to be alone with Hanschen later. It was likely that nobody was around at that point. It would be just them, again. Despite how good it felt to be near him, and his waist being touched, he still felt hurt. "If I can get out, I don't see it being an issue."

Hanschen knew he needed to confirm the deal, he needed to do something, quick. He moved his hand to Ernst's cheek, gently running this thumb. Then watching for his lover's cheeks to turn pink. "I love you," he whispered, knowing that's what Ernst wanted to hear. Hanschen was too embarrassed to admit it the last time. And if he had, he would have heard it over and over from Ernst. For some reason, those words coming out of Hanschen's lips just felt right, he didn't think they would have.

He leaned closer, slowly closing his eyes. "And I know you do, too." He gently pressed his lips up against Ernst's. Hanschen felt a slight kiss back, that was all he needed. Hanschen pulled away, slowly. "You should probably be getting home."

Ernst nodded, pulling him in for one more kiss. "And I do love you," he spoke with such sincerity it was hard to tell when it was actually lying. "I'll be here, at six. Right here, I promise." He felt his palms getting sweaty as they did when he was nervous. _Stop stop, you've been around this boy before. You're over reacting. _

He made his way home with the biggest smile on his face. Ernst was unsure of what had gotten into Hanschen, maybe he did miss him, maybe there wasn't another boy. And maybe he did love him but didn't know what to say last time. He giggled with excitement all the way home, not caring what anyone thought of him anymore. Ernst knew not to get his hopes up, for Hanschen wouldn't be staying for long.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as Ernst got home, he placed the groceries on the counter and found his Mama busy reading a book. He didn't want to disturb her, but he had to. "Mama?" Ernst said, using a little voice. He just hoping he didn't get a no, that would ruin everything.

"Yes, dear?" She asked, not even putting her book down.

"May I please go out later? My friends would like for me to come out and help them with their homework." If he had friends, that would be believable. He felt his heart pounding as she waited for a response. Ernst just hoped she didn't know of Hanschen being in town.

"Yes, you may. Just don't stay out too late, you have to go to school tomorrow." The smile on Ernst's face widened, now just a few more hours before I can see him again. He wanted to squeal but held it in.

"Thank you, Mama," He hugged her and kissed her cheek before heading to his room. Ernst laid down on his bed and thought of what he was going to say to him. He stopped himself when he realized what he had been doing. Ernst didn't have to think about it, what was said, was said. It didn't matter.

He took a look at his journal, another entry seemed mandatory. Ernst gripped it and his pen and began to write down anything his heart desired. He knew it was going to be sappy and sweet, but he couldn't resist. Hanschen made him feel this giggly, and only him. Nothing was going to change that.

_I can't help it anymore. I love him... and he told me he loved me too. He even kissed me! _

Ernst stomped his feet with such excitement, a rush spiked through his body as he returned he looked down at his pages. Hanschen **really **did kiss him earlier. Ernst felt like nothing mattered, that he was at the top of the world and nothing was going to change that.

_It was just as I expected, not the fight, but the kiss. It may have been a little rushed and shorter then I had wanted but it was still something. Maybe he hasn't gotten over me. Maybe there isn't some boy in the reformatory. _

The sweet smile remained on the redheads face, he felt his cheeks becoming warmer as he thought of the blonde haired boy. He wondered what he was doing. It was hard for Ernst not to think about him.

_Only three hours until I get to see his face once more. I even convinced Mama that I'm going out to play with my "friends". It's silly, I don't have friends, she should know that by now. But I can't wait any longer. I want to see him right now. But I can't, for if I do, we'll get caught. And I'll never ever see him again._

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_


	4. Chapter 4

Ernst looked up at the wall clock, he smiled to note that it was time. Time to see him again. Ernst's cheeks turned pick as he got a good look at his reflection in the mirror. Ernst fixed his hair before heading out the door.

When he arrived at the woods, Ernst sat on a tree stump. The same one he had sat on before. Ernst prayed Hanschen would be able to get out and come to his rescue. Ernst sat still for a few moments, feeling nervous and anxious. He wanted to be near Hanschen so badly.

Ernst watched as the night was starting to fall over him and maybe a half an hour or more past.

Then… he showed up, with a smile on his face. "Sorry," Hanschen spoke as he made his way over. "Mother kept me later then I had intended." He took a seat beside Ernst, right beside him.

"It's alright. I missed you, Hansi," he admitted, leaning his head on the blondes shoulder. Inhaling Ernst's favorite thing: Hanschen's scent. It was different from what it was before, but it didn't matter, it comforted him. Ernst couldn't help but long for this scent.

Hanschen moved in closer but was nervous. He kept flaring around to see if anyone was coming along. "I've missed you, as well." Hanschen picked up Ernst's face off his shoulder. He felt his heart began to race. Hanschen knew what he had to do: kiss him. So, he did.

Ernst blushed as he felt Hanschen's soft lips pressing against his own. He placed his hand on his lovers face, continuing the kiss. This was all he had ever wanted from Hanschen. That and to hear those magic three words. Ernst spent many sleepless nights daydreaming about this. Being with Hanschen.

Hanschen pulled away, staring into those sad, pathetic brown eyes. "Amazing," he said, under his breath but loud enough for Ernst to hear. He honestly had missed him but he'd never actually admit it. Hanschen smiled at him.

"Oh Hanschen," he said, leaning unto his shoulder. Ernst felt so comfortable near him like he always had. No matter how often he talked down to him, it didn't matter. Ernst leaned back, staring up at the only thing lighting up the sky: the moonlight. "It's so pretty, isn't it?"

Hanschen smirked, thinking 'how sentimental.' the redhead was. "Sure," he answered, trying to make things perfect, as if they had never changed. For some reason, it seemd as though it was almost true.

Ernst felt his eyes getting heavy and didn't care what was happen. Mama wouldn't care. Not one bit, he hoped.

After a few silent moments, Ernst fell asleep. Hanschen knew he was going to have to just go back, anyway. So why not just stay? He, too, fell asleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, the sun crept up over them. Ernst stretched and looked at Hanschen then realized that he fell asleep. "Oh god, Hans," Ernst shook him gently until he awoke. "Get up, please," he said, begging.

Hanschen woke up, wide eyed and tired. "It's late, let me walk you home." He was going to be late, anyway, so what's another ten minutes? Hanschen helped the redhead to his feet then proceeded to escort him home.

Ernst felt his eyes getting tired, keeping him from making any conversation. When he arrived at his house, Ernst quickly gave Hanschen a hug. "I'll see you soon, promise," he whispered hearing foot steps down the staircase. He shivered with fear, hoping Mama didn't see Hanschen waiting with him. Ernst shooed him away.

Hanschen darted back to his house, managing not to get caught. His parents were already fast asleep by the time he got home. Hanschen would just say he was home right after they fell asleep, they usually went to bed around eight or nine. He immediately got into his bed and acted as though he had been asleep for hours, just in case they had been up. The smile on Hanschen's face was semi-permanent, until he had to go back to the reformatory.

"Where were you young man?" Frau Robel grabbed a hold of her son, using the most stern voice she possible could. The sweet voice was now filled with anger as well as fear. She couldn't believe he did this again. Staying out loud, doing God only knows what this time. Did Ernst not remember what happened the last time he got caught? Hanschen got sent to the reformatory.

Ernst looked up at his Mama, hoping he wasn't in too much trouble. "Mama, I was lying out in the woods and I dosed off. I was just going to stay for a moment." Ernst managed to get out of his Mama's grip. "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again. I promise." He put his head down, making his pouty face. Ernst prayed to a God he hoped was listening so Hanschen wouldn't get caught. His eyes filled with salty tears as guilt welled over him. Ernst hoped he'd be able to see Hanschen at least once more.

"We'll talk about it after school. Go to sleep dear," Frau Robel pointed to his bedroom. He wasn't going to get away with this but she was too tired to deal with it and hated seeing her son cry. Frau Robel patted Ernst's shoulder as she watched him walking to his bedroom.

Ernst wasn't tired. Rather, the opposite. The giddy feeling that the boy used to feel when he'd see Hanschen was returning. And he loved it. His heart was pounding as he thought of tomorrow. What was to happen next?

Ernst managed to fall asleep that night. He couldn't help but dream about him. It was difficult not to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	5. Chapter 5

Ernst left that morning and saw a note nudged into his mail box:

Ernst,

Meet me the same place as yesterday at 3:30.

Your Secret Admirer

xx

He felt his heart skip a beat or two while Ernst walked down the street. He kept reading it again and again not believing it was real. That he was really there. Ernst slipped it into his pocket with a smile on his face. _Finally_, something to look forward to.

As Ernst arrived at school, nobody said 'hi' to him. Georg and Otto were ignoring , even when he said hi to him. The only people he thought weren't going to judge him did. That surely killed his mood. Ernst stood alone, alone as usual. He gazed at his classmates who all managed to ignore him, Ernst's heart slowly broke. Not as if they didn't all already know that he was with Hanschen. One time, Otto walked past when they were together in the vineyard. Ernst got goose bumps whenever he thought of this story. That was the first time Ernst realized he was in love with Hanschen.

Ernst was surprised when he saw Moritz Stiefel come up to him. Surprised in a good way, however. He smiled at the wild haired boy. "Hello, Moritz. How are you?" Ernst asked, looking up at him. Moritz hadn't spoken to Ernst since… well years, really. But Ernst didn't blame him, he was very timid. Ernst was, too.

"Fine. Just a little tired," Moritz spoke, kicking a stone that had been following him on his way to school. Considering Melchior had taken a personal day, he didn't have anyone to talk to. Ernst seemed to be the only guy not talking to someone and he felt badly. Moritz knew Ernst wasn't a bad guy, despite how he had sinned. He looked up at Ernst. "And you?"

Ernst smiled, realizing that maybe not all of his classmates hated him. Maybe they were just afraid of what he did. "Pretty good. I've been really busy due to class work. Since I wasn't allowed to come to school." This clearly embarrassed Ernst, but it was worth it.

"Oh. Alright. Well we're going in. So maybe I'll see you around," Moritz waved, walking into the old school building.

Ernst made his way in, sitting down in his old seat. Herr Sonnestich seemed to have made some new seating arrangements. Rather then sitting up in front, he placed in the far back. Ernst sighed, but he wasn't surprised. Herr Sonnestich must have known what happened, based on the way he was treating poor Ernst. He couldn't take it anymore--was it three o'clock yet? He made his way through the Latin, Greek, Trigonometry, ect, ect.

When it came time to leave, he packed up his things and headed out. Ernst put his head down as he turned in his Latin exercise. He couldn't make eye contact with Herr Sonnestich for fear of what he was going to say to him. Ernst hated being in school just because of the constant judgment. It was just like church, but maybe even worse.

Ernst made it to the woods and glared around, making sure nobody saw him. Not like it mattered all that much, anyway. What was the worst they could do? Tell an adult that Ernst was with Hanschen. Psst, that was old news. He sat down in the same place and began on his homework. Latin exercise, _just_ what he wanted to do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanschen woke up the next morning to his parents fighting. Once again, huh, he thought. He woke up and got changed into what was once his school uniform: navy blue slacks, along with a crisp white shirt, and a navy blue blazer to top it off. Instead of wearing a tie, he found it useless. He made his way into the kitchen, where his little sister was getting prepared for school. "Hello Marianna." He patted the top of her long blonde hair, much like his own.

He took a seat beside her at the dining room table. "Seems like they never stop," he said in a near whisper. Hanschen didn't want to upset her nor did he want to upset them. He grabbed a piece of fruit and began to eat. Hanschen usually didn't think of Ernst, especially not back at the reformatory but their kiss before was like no other kiss before. It left him wanting to be around him and wanting to kiss again. Hanschen started to believe that he may have actually been in love.

Marianna looked at her older brother from across the table. "Hello. Yeah, it's been worse then you've been gone." She glanced at the time before proceeding to roll her eyes. "Well, I must be off. I've got school." Marianna walked over to him, wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug. She waved before heading out the front door.

To be honest, Hanschen didn't think of public education at all anymore. He wondered if it had changed or stayed the same. Didn't matter all that much, he was going to be in a reformatory until he was eighteen. With these occasionally visits home as long as he stays out of every ones way in the reform school. And he did, out of fear.

After finished up his breakfast, Hanschen headed out the door and went for a run. One of his favorite past times, considering at one point he was an athlete. He used to play a little bit of everything when the boys were playing their little games. Hanschen would constantly beat everyone else, considering he was the most in shape, as far as how far he could run. And the fact that he was strong. Besides, he liked to keep in shape, unlike Otto.

Hanschen honestly just loved being home. It was one of the only places that made him feel that vibe where he was so comfortable. The area--not his house. Hanschen's father would never stop yelling for one minute. Herr Rilow had one of the most terrifying voices he had ever heard. Hanschen had, and probably always will be, terrified of his father. But Frau Rilow, she was a truly sweet woman when she wanted to be. Sometimes she'd be the best mother in the world, but most of the time when she was put in a bad mood you wouldn't go near her.

Hanschen ran up the woods, and just sat underneath the big oak tree until he knew the boys were getting out of school. He began to make his way over to that way.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ernst looked up from his Latin assignment when he saw that beautiful face making his way over to him. How did he ever get so lucky? Ernst wasn't sure, but he surely wasn't going to second guess that. "Well hello there, handsome," He looked up at that gorgeous face. Ernst couldn't help but stare for a moment, as she made room for him.

Hanschen gladly took a seat beside Ernst, he put his arm around Ernst and got a good look at his Latin assignment. If that didn't bring back memories, he didn't know what would have. Hanschen always remembered being good at Latin yet never tried. Most of the time he'd just cheat off Melchior Gabor. In the reformatory, there was no Melchior Gabor's running around, anymore. "Hi. How was class today?"

Ernst shrugged, "It was alright. Nothing all that special. Just happy to see you," he said, snuggled into his chest. Ernst moved in closer to the blonde, with a smile on his face. He leaned forward and pressed a shirt kiss on his lips. Which was followed by this bright smile that only Hanschen could bring out in the redhead. "What did you do today?" Ernst could tell that he had been sweating a little, didn't bother him much. It was a common scent that Hanschen had.

Hanschen nodded his head, used this kind of sweet talk from Ernst. That wasn't really his deal and sure he thought it was cute. But in the same sense, it was a little aggravating. "Me too," he returned a sweet kiss back on his lips. "Well today I went out for a run for a little while. My parents were having another one of their disagreements and I was sick of listening. Well after my run I then headed back to the woods and rested my eyes for a little while. And well, now I'm here."

Ernst didn't have too much to say, he wasn't the best talker. Even infront of his lover he sometimes felt a little timid. It wasn't hard to feel that way around Hanschen. Sometimes he came off as a little controlling and sometimes rude but it was usually an act. Ernst ran his fingers through his soft blonde hair as he gazed into those gorgeous blue eyes. He felt as though he was getting lost and he wouldn't change that for any given moment. Ernst felt so comfortable just resting his head on him.

"Run away with me." Hanschen said, completely out of the blue. He kissed the top of Ernst's head, knowing the idea may have seemed a little bit radical but why not? Hanschen just wanted to be alone with Ernst--and it was clear Ernst wanted the exact same thing. Maybe if they left, they would no longer be hassled. They could be together with no judgment, whatsoever. "I mean, we could go wherever. Somewhere that makes you happy."

"Oh my," Ernst gripped a hold of his hand and felt his thumb running over his knuckles. He shrugged, the idea sounded wonderful but they'd never get away with it. "Well, yes, of course. But how do you plan on getting away with, mister brilliant?" Ernst said, giggling. He was obviously a little anxious about this plan but as long as Hanschen knew how to get away with it he knew it would work.

Hanschen took a moment to think before responded. He stared down at their fingers that were intertwined together. "Well," Hanschen said, letting out a little chuckle, "We could just leave at some point tonight. My parents wouldn't know the difference. Yours might but mine surely won't." Hanschen shrugged. The idea maybe wasn't one of his brightest but it might work, might not.

"Well, I trust you, and I trust you'll make the right decision for us." Ernst kissed his hand and let go for a moment. "Mama got suspicious. Did your parents get upset?" He looked a little nervous as he asked, trying his best to change subject.

"No, they weren't even up. I bet they thought I was already in bed," Hanschen smirked. Knowing he was able to get away with what he had done. "But I'm glad you didn't caught. I swore I thought your mother had seen me. I was frightened," he admitted, not wiping the smirk off his face.

Ernst leaned in and pressed a kiss on Hanschen's lips. He kissed him gently but lovingly. Ernst didn't really want to talk, he just wanted to be held and kissed. And to cuddle. Ernst got so nervous every time before he went out with Hanschen. No matter how often they saw one another it just made him nervous. Ernst gently pulled away, and just gazed up at him with such disbelief. Feeling as though he was at the top of the world and nothing was going to bring him down.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. Chapter 6

Ernst snuggled up to Hanschen, and gazed up into those gorgeous eyes and that gorgeous face and couldn't help but say yes to any requests he had. And if he wanted to run away, that was exactly what the two would do. Ernst didn't need anything at home and assumed neither did Hanschen. He kissed his cheek gently before opening his mouth. "Any thoughts on where we could go?" He gripped his hand, and intertwined their fingers, before looking back at him.

"Not… exactly," Hanschen admitted, glaring down at their hands, too. "I mean we could go to Pripia. Ilse told me if I ever needed somewhere to stay, that we could there." Hanschen wasn't sure if this was the best idea, but it was really their only option if they wanted to be together. He knew Ilse would let them stay with her, and give them a job. Ilse had told Hanschen several times that if he needed some place to stay, that was the place to go.

Ernst shrugged, he wasn't too comfortable with Pripia. Several times he heard his Mama talking about how violent it got and how it wasn't the best place to go. But then he thought of going back to the doctor. The doctor who would do nothing but tell Ernst he had sinned when he knew he didn't. Ernst just followed his heart, which he had always been taught to do. "You know what, Pripia is perfect," Ernst smiled up at Hanschen, pulling a strand of hair behind his ear. "We should go now…" Ernst got up, grabbing Hanschen's other hand, trying to tug him to get up.

Hanschen shook his head, "Not right now. You know I have to go home, and bid my farewells to my parents and sisters. Just sit, I'll do your Latin assignment for you." He grabbed the worksheet, and began to work on it.

Discouraged, Ernst walked off for a moment. But Hanschen was the one who wanted to leave! Did he want to spend the rest of his life in a reformatory? Guess so. Ernst walked for a few minutes before turning around. He couldn't help but be a little upset. Maybe his thoughts were right, maybe Hanschen was with someone else and just didn't want to admit to it. Or maybe Hanschen just wanted to get Ernst excited just to break his heart again.

He walked back over to Hanschen, who was well at work, doing his Latin assignment. "Are we going or what?" Ernst asked, putting his hands on his hips. He didn't want to be stuck in his house. Knowing full well that his parents thought he was a bad kid and not that 'sweet little angel'. As well, the judgment from the other classmates, Ernst had enough. "I don't want to go to the doctors tomorrow. Please don't make me go, back, Hansi." Ernst looked so pitiful, he needed to get away.

Hanschen couldn't help but feel badly for Ernst. He was the only person who Hanschen had gave two shits about in his whole life and if he let him down… he'd have nobody. And as it was, Hanschen didn't have anyone left in his life. "We'll go, just not this minute," he seemed a little distracted by the homework assignment. Hanschen was always the very best at Latin and just wanted to help Ernst.

Ernst leaned down, grabbed the paper and tore it in half. "No… let's go now," he insisted, grabbing his hand again and trying to pull him up. Hanschen probably didn't remember what it was like to be back home. Hanschen was always the tough guy so he never got picked on, but Ernst did. Instead of trying to defend him, he just let it happen. But it seemed like Hanschen may have grown up.

"Fine, if you want to go, we go. But your being awfully selfish, Ernst." Hanschen stood up and let go of the redheads hand. "I hope you know that. Sorry that this isn't just what you wanted."

Ernst rolled his eyes. Oh, _here it goes again_. "I don't want to fight with you, Hans, you know I don't mean to be selfish. I love you. I just want to finally be alone with you, and not be broken apart by parents or anyone else. Just us…" He didn't want to mention how this was all Hanschen's idea. How he brought up the running away. Ernst knew the reason Hanschen brought this up: to make Ernst happy.

"I know you don't, I need to go home, though. Tomorrow, I promise, we'll go." Hanschen stood up, ending this conversation. "I will see you, correct?" Instead of kissing him or saying I love you, he just stared at him with that glare. The glare that meant he was either really pissed off or he was tired. Sometimes it was hard to tell with him.

Ernst shrugged, "But what about the do--" Before, he could continue, he was immediately cut off by a hand placed over his mouth, so rudely. Ernst was sick of this. And to think Hanschen grew up. Apparently not.

"You go, maybe it'll do you some good." Hanschen removed his hand, and headed off home.

Ernst watched Hanschen walk away, waited a few minutes so they weren't caught and then headed home himself. The weather just kept getting colder out or so it seemed. He shivered, and held onto his arms to try to keep warmth. It was difficult, but he made it home.

When he arrived home, Mama was sitting in the living room, sowing a nightgown. She turned around and smiled at her redcheeked son. "So where have you been all day, Ernst?" Frau Robel didn't seem to care all that much, judging by the tone on her voice. Most likely asking out of trying to be nice to him. Nice try, Ma.

Ernst didn't answer. Instead, he headed into his bedroom and locked the door. He needed to get away before he had to go to the doctors. Rather, his 'counselor', but he referred to it as doctor so nobody asked questions. Going to a counselor--that just wasn't right. Especially for someone as young as him. Ernst pretended to believe he had sinned, but in his heart, he knew that what he felt for the blonde was right. Despite, how angry he probably was.

He gripped his journal and plopped down on his wooden floor. Ernst didn't know what to write. Probably just vent about how mean Hanschen was being. He sighed.

_I don't quite get it. Hanschen said he wanted to run away with him and yet, I don't think he really does. For when I suggested we go, he insisted we stay. Sure, I was being selfish like he said. But HE suggested it. Not me. _

_I know I want to leave. I really do. Hanschen is obvious choice, he'd keep me safe and would make sure nothing harmed me. Obviously, I love him but he shouldn't treat me like that. Granted, Hanschen hasn't seen his parents or his sister in months but he hasn't seen me in months either. _

Ernst knew deep down inside that Hanschen didn't deserve to be a reformatory. Rather, at home with his family. If anyone knew how unhappy he was there, it was Ernst. Unfortunately, there was no form of communication from one another, but judging by how different Hanschen was. He had to be unhappy. Hanschen just wasn't himself anymore. Ernst hoped that within time, he'd change that.

_I know I'm leaving with him and he said tomorrow. Maybe… he was just giving me a date to be happy. Not sure just quite yet. We'll have to see, won't we? We're going to Pripia to stay with Ilse, I guess. I'm rather excited to see her, as well. It's been so long since I've seen her, she truly is a sweetheart. _

Back when Ilse still lived in their area, she and Ernst used to play together. Especially when they were much younger. Ernst constantly would be over Ilse's house, playing dolls or sometimes, dress up. Of course, he'd never let anyone see him in some of the odd things she made him try on but it was a lot of fun. Ilse was always creative and made things interesting.

_Well, I guess I should go to sleep now. _

_Ernst_

He laid back on his bed, and envisioned himself with just him and Hanschen. Sleeping in a warm cabin with a fire place. Ernst smiled, and daydreamed a bit more. Ilse was there, too, with some muscular artist who treated her like a princess. Just as she deserved. And as for Ernst and Hanschen? It was just like a fairytale: they got married and lived happily ever after.

Please. That would never happen. The judgment was bad in their town but maybe in Pripia it wouldn't be any better. Maybe it would just be worse. Enough thoughts for one night. Ernst shut his eyes and slowly fell into a deep slumber. If only tomorrow would come faster.


	7. Chapter 7

Will be updating shortly, I apologize for the delay. I realized how much I missed this story and within the next two weeks expect an update!


	8. Chapter 8

Hanschen arrived at his house a little bit later then he intended. He took the longer way through the woods home to make sure nobody saw him and Ernst together. It didn't matter, he was going back to the reformatory next week, anyway. So whatever happened with Ernst now wasn't going to matter then. Besides, if Ernst had any smarts he'd move on soon.

He crawled up to his bedroom and took sprawled out onto his cozy bed. Hanschen knew he felt somewhat badly about what he did to Ernst. For some reason, it seemed like the right thing to do. Hanschen knew in his heart he wasn't truly in love with him but he couldn't never reveal that to Ernst. For his little sweet heart would break. Poor Ernst?

Hanschen had not the slightest idea of what to do. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ernst awoke the next morning to his Mama talking to his Papa. He yawned and gripped his hair, he couldn't take it. If only there was some way that Hanschen would change his mind, sweep him off his feet and take him away. Pssh, that would never happen. Ernst managed to get up out of his bed. He took a look in the mirror, and combed his black strands of hair. Ernst looked disappointed, knowing he wasn't nearly as good looking as other boys.

"Maybe he's into someone else," Ernst said, softly under his breath, to himself. He slipped into that disgusting uniform that he had become accustomed to. Ernst glanced again, and sighed.

Ernst headed into his kitchen to say goodbye to both of his parents. After kissing both of their cheeks, he head out the door. Was he actually going to go to school? Ernst didn't even know.

He came upon where majority of boys were walking together. Ernst walked staring down at his black sneakers as he did every other day. A faint voice calling his name from behind him kept calling.

"Ernst?" He called out to him, progressive getting louder.

He turned around and couldn't figure out who it was. Hell, it was probably one of his jerk classmates who hated him. Ernst rolled his eyes and continued along. _Not like it would be anyone of importance. The only one who is important is Hanschen, and not like HE wants me anymore. _

Ernst made his way into the woods and heard that same voice. He flipped around to see who it was. And of course, it was Hanschen. A smile crept onto Ernst's face, but he wiped it away. He looked at Hanschen, with an upset look. Ernst wanted Hanschen to know he hurt him and confused him.

Hanschen looked at Ernst, trying to make something of him. He was just as confused about what to do. Hanschen was unaware of how Ernst felt, and maybe if he knew it would make things easier. Hanschen moved in closer to Ernst, or at least as close as he could let him. It was clear how much he had upset him now.

"Why did you come here? Or… why did you follow me?" Ernst said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't believe you. You know your gunna get yourself caught now." _Selfish, that's all he is._

Hanschen shrugged, that didn't even cross his mind. Sure, being with Ernst would get him in tons of trouble but right now it didn't seem to matter. "I wanted to apologize, for yesterday. I didn't want to make you leave, you know, I just had to get home by a reasonable time. It would have been… well, bad, if someone saw us together." He cleared his throat, staring down at the ground beneath them. "Do you want to, um, leave with me, Ernst?"

Ernst was still upset with him. Then something hit him, he realized he was the one that Hanschen really did care about. He felt his heart beating faster then it ever did. Who knew only a few words could mean so much? And of course, he was going to say yes. Ernst giggled and stared up at Hanschen. A hushed 'yes' slipped from his lips, followed by a short but perfect kiss.

Hanschen smiled at Ernst, happy to see him happy once more. But where would they go? Who would they stay with? The doubt filled in his mind, but the second guessing didn't manage to escape from his lips. Thank God. He managed to ignore Ernst's ramble about how happy he was. Hanschen just stood there, grinning at him. That's all he could think to do.

"… and I cannot wait. Just to be with you," Ernst said, cupping Hanschen's cheek, carefully. He felt his cheeks burning as he moved closer. This feeling was something he loved. All the other people or worried in the world didn't matter when he was with Hanschen. Things just felt right. "And I love you, Hanschen. As I have always loved you. That would never change." He gazed up into those blue eyes and just took in a moment. He didn't care if they really left together. Hanschen did care.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
